Semi-Pro

(2008, Kent Alterman)

There’s an interesting movie in there somewhere trying to get out and it involves Woody Harrelson’s veteran point guard and not Will “Same Old Schtick” Ferrell’s characteristically over-the-top owner/coach/player. Still, this is easily missed by anyone who has already sat through Blades of Glory or Talladega Nights. 46

Babe: Pig in the City

(1998, George Miller)

Weird shit for a kid’s movie, for sure, but those who claim it as the best of 1998 are a little off-base. It’s an absurd, Fellini-esque romp that is mildly diverting at best. 57

Apt Pupil

(1998, Bryan Singer)

Solid until it goes off the rails big time during the third act, when it succumbs to standard horror movie conventions. 49

Croupier

(1998, Mike Hodges)

A second viewing of Mike Hodges’ neo-noir character study proved that I wasn’t wrong when I picked it as one of the best films of 2000. It’s the kind of well-acted, multi-layered drama that could only be made outside of North America. A quick glance at the member reviews on Netflix, however, shows that mainstream audiences have a different opinion. Too bad for them. 82

Matt liked it, though.

Speed Racer

(2008, Andy Wachowski & Larry Wachowski)

In my opinion, the Wachowskis’ biggest mistake was not grounding the racing sequences in some sort of reality. They are so outlandish that it’s hard to know or care what is going on. The movie as a whole is not much different; watching it is like looking into a kaleidoscope…after taking a hit of acid. 54

Kent M. Beeson of Western Civilization at length on Speed Racer review.

The People Under the Stairs

(1990, Wes Craven)

Like The Goonies and The Monster Squad, this silly horror-comedy has garnered a minor cult over the years, mostly among twentysomething kids too young to have seen it in the theatre. I don’t get why Big Ed Hurley from Twin Peaks spends part of the movie dressed in an S&M outfit that would make The Gimp from Pulp Fiction blush, but it’s probably the most interesting thing going on here. 35

Orlando

(1992, Sally Potter)

A British nobleman is commanded to stay young by the Queen and not only does so, but also transforms into a female over a period of two hundred-plus years. An admittedly beautiful-looking drama that is nonetheless an art movie for beginners. Quentin Crisp’s biting turn as Queen Elizabeth I is quite amusing. 58

Teeth

(2007, Mitchell Lichtenstein)

Pretty blond high schooler Dawn (Jess Weixler) has a problem: all the boys she has sex with end up losing their penises to her vagina dentata. This is the kind of body horror-oriented premise that David Cronenberg would have knocked out of the park in the seventies but, unfortunately, here it’s played for broad, simple laughs here by writer/director Lichtenstein. 42

Iron Man

(2008, Jon Favreau)

A billionaire weapons dealer turns himself into a high tech superhero after seeing the error of his ways. An entertaining high concept Hollywood blockbuster that succeeds in no small part because of Robert Downey Jr.’s marvelous performance as Iron Man/Tony Stark. 64

Storm Warning

(2007, Jamie Blanks)

A yuppie couple is terrorized by a clan of deranged hooligans after getting lost during a boating trip. A derivative Australian horror shocker in which the characters act in completely illogical ways. For instance, why does the husband decide to take a tiny wooden boat into uncharted waters with a storm on the horizon? Why do they don wetsuits for the trip when they have no intention of scuba diving? Why does the wife spend hours designing an elaborate, Hellraiser-type trap when the time would have been better used fashioning multiple weapons? Why, why, why? 18

Safe Men

(1997, John Hamburg)

Two amateur singers are mistaken for safecrackers by a low-level wiseguy. A slight little comedy with a cast that is far too good for the inconsequential material. 53

National Treasure: Book of Secrets

(2007, Jon Turteltaub)

Back to the cash cow for Nicholas Cage and the first two acts aren’t that bad. The final 45 minutes, though, are hard to stomach, as our heroes (Jon Voight and Helen Mirren included) play out a Disney Channel version of Raiders of the Lost Ark. 43

The Signal

(2007, David Bruckner & Dan Bush)

A mysterious signal turns normal people into homicidal maniacs. The first two segments of this three-part horror film are more effective than the last. Points for attempting to do something new with the genre, though. 62

Land of the Dead

(2005, George A. Romero)

Zombies have taken over the world, forcing the few survivors to live in a walled city where the living dead cannot reach them. Romero doesn’t really know what to do with his bigger budget; the action scenes are clumsily constructed and the plot makes little sense. Thank goodness for Asia. 48

D.O.A.

(1950, Rudolph Maté)

A man has 24 hours to find out who poisoned him during a business trip to San Francisco. A juicy premise is hindered somewhat by some truly bad dialog and absurd sound effects. Otherwise, it’s a solid film noir. 68